“Guilt Free Resides on the Inside”
- Shifting Into High Gear
I always hold the belief that you are a product of what you surround yourself with, and I hold this to be true even with whom I follow on social media. As an intuitive life coach, I tend to follow women entrepreneurs who are trailblazers in the name of connection and community. I strive to follow women who have strong values of compassion and who embrace life with gusto. Lately, among such circles, I have noticed a common thread on more than one occasion around the idea of “getting over ourselves” in order to find success. This concept had me feeling a little niggle under the “soul skin”--indicating to me that this wasn’t my truth, and that there was something deeper my soul wanted to bring to my attention.
I sat with this feeling of “getting over yourself” and what it was stirring up for me. I have often discussed with clients why I dislike bonding over wounding, as it enables us to stay stuck in those stories because they are our only common thread. Instead, I prefer bonding over shared interests or activities so that when wounds occur or surface, we simply hold space for one another without dropping into the dramatics of the event. So, was getting over Self feeling like wounding? Well, sort of.
For me, getting over myself feels a lot like old insults that have been hurled at me in moments of my greatest joy or purest success. It sounds familiar to me--like, “Who do you think you are?”, “Get off your high horse” and “Get over yourself, you’re nothing.” In the past, those words stung because they hit me when I was high. They cut me to my core because I so desperately wanted to be liked and included. I felt that in order to avoid upsetting these people (my interpretation), I needed to tone down or hold back my own success in order to belong.
It has taken me a long time to come face-to-face with myself and to like whom I see. I’ve had to relearn how to love Me, despite my interpretations of other people’s thoughts, words, or feelings. In reading Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness, I’ve found a name for this place where people sometimes stand when they stand for something. I’ve come to discover, for me and for the clients I work with, that it has nothing to do with getting OVER Self, and that I had to find Me before I could find You.